Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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