shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
