i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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