wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize