Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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