Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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