You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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