My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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