so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
