My liver just broke up with me...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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