I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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