Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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