Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
