Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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