Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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