I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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