I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said her name was "party"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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