glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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