Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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