mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
