so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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