I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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