3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
