i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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