and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
