Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
