Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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