we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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