Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
