**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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