Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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