I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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