Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
