Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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