Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
