I hate your face
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
