If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
