i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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