You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
These tits shall not be calmed
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
