but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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