Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
