help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
