who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i believe in u and ur pee
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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