Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
