Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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