It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize