ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
