you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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