Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
