So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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