You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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