Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
