idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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