I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
