My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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