Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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