the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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