I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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