I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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