eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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