Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
