Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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