Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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