In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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