i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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