you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
