Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
