Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
