They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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