Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
