Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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