Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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