The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
