i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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