I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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